Move beyond name pain

It isn’t easy to embrace fully a baby who has been named after a relative you hated, or who was cruel to you, but experts say the process begins with forgiving the relative who wronged you. Forgiving someone is not the same as saying that their behavior was okay. It simply recognises that they were in so much pain and confusion that he or she acted in ways that a loving person could not. This allows for the possibility that when you speak your grandchild’s name, you can do so with love and joy, not with waves of pain and hurt. The child may just be the catalyst that motivates you to do the healing that will help release the burden you’ve been carrying.

 Time sharing your grandkids

Are the “other” grandparents more involved with your grandkids than you are? It happens, and it’s tough to deal with.  Step back to gain a little perspective, and cultivate other relationships and interests. You can also ask (nicely) your adult children and their spouses for more time with the grandchildren if you feel you’re being shortchanged. Also refrain from making too many comparisons to the other grandparents and know that your grandbabies will never know — or care — which of their grandmothers was most on the ball about nappy rash, burping, and gas.

It’s not a popularity contest

Are your grandchildren’s parents jealous of their kids’ affection for you? Do your grandkids throw a fit when it’s time to leave your house and go home? The intensity of their fondness for you can be a bitter pill for parents. Here’s some advice: • Let your daughter and son-in-law know that as flattering as it is to be so adored by your grandchildren, you are as eager as they are to take steps to reduce the outbursts and tantrums. • If your grandchildren insist on staying at your house, let them to express themselves but answer firmly: “I know this is not what you want to hear, but tonight you’re sleeping at your house.”

 Answering THAT question

Until adolescent hormones begin raging, a child’s interest in sexual behavior is usually nothing more than innocent curiosity. If your grandkids ask you questions, your responses should be simple. If your granddaughter asks why her little brother’s body is different from hers, don’t give her a college-level anatomy lecture; if she asks where babies come from, don’t give her a dissertation on intercourse.  A straightforward answer that girls are different from boys, or that parents who love each other know how to make babies, will likely send the kids happily on their way.

Interfering much?

If your daughter (or son) tells you you’re a busybody, it will certainly hurt, but understand that they may have done you a favour by telling you their feelings instead of keeping them bottled up. Rather than taking the comment as an insult, look at it as a gesture they’re making to try to make things better. Ask if there are any specific examples of times when they felt you annoyed them, and then listen without explaining or defending yourself. Make the conversation into an information-gathering mission, an opportunity for you to understand specifically what they’re talking about. The clearer an idea you have of what they consider upsetting, the better you’ll be able to avoid doing those things in the future.

Bedtime blues

Your grandchildren’s bedtime is 8pm but they refuse to go to sleep. You don’t want to punish them but you want to do what their parents have asked. So what can you do? Hold firm. For the kids’ own good, stay faithful to their usual bedtime routine. Try to be as consistent as possible to what goes on at home. Limit the bedtime drama by standing your ground. Letting things slide comes with a price, usually in the form of inadequate sleep for your grandchildren.

Are you over 55?  You probably qualify for cheaper insurance!  Speak to Indwe Risk Services today for a free home or vehicle quotation to compare to your current cover.  Call us on 0860 13 13 14 or visit www.indwerisk.co.za for more information.